Certified or Certifiable?

Today I took a CPR training course and am now theoretically qualified to assist you should you decide to drop dead while I am around. The instructor was entertaining, if not a little lewd. How many of you that are CPR certified can say that the dummies you were using were wearing women's lingerie? How many of you can say that the word "pubes" was used at your training? I am guessing that no hands are in the air. The best part is that my work sponsored a training today that violated virtually every human resources sexual harassment video we have seen, but I learned more from him than I have in the last few months of my job... Anywho, on a more serious note, if you haven't taken a CPR course, it's well worth it. It is really important to know how to provide help to those you love should they need it. While I hope to never need the training I got today, I am really glad I have it just in case.

Truce?

Apparently, I inadvertently declared war on the spider / insect kingdom and I am using the blog as a forum to request a truce. I assume that my foes use the internet for networking since they have quickly gotten the word out that I am to be attacked. To reach the broadest audience possible, I should probably post this on Facebook or perhaps "tweet" about it since Twitter seems more their speed. (I don't tweet, but I'll make an exception if it will stop the attacks.) Here's the background. ***************************************************************************************I have an irrational fear of spiders and insects. Neither the size, nor the hostility of the creatures matter. I view them all with the same level of distaste and hysteria. (That level is "HIGH" or "RED" in Dept of Homeland Security terms.) This weekend, I killed many of them as I cleaned out my garden. I think that's what really pissed them off. I guess, technically, the outdoors are "their domain," it's just that I also enjoy being outdoors and would prefer not to be touched by so much as a fly while I lounge outside. ************************************************************************************ On Monday morning, I woke up an put on my eyeglasses, which had been on the nightstand for roughly seven hours. Immediately, my face was covered in a fine film and I realized that in the night, spiders had built an intricate web completely covering the lens portion of my glasses. It was, at once, the most amazing and most disgusting thing I had seen in a while. I quickly woke Daniel, showed him, cleaned my glasses and tried to move on. I killed no bugs on Monday. ****************************************************************************************This morning, my eyeglasses were clear and I thought the events of yesterday were a fluke. I got out of the shower, put on my warm, fuzzy robe and looked in the mirror to see a large (all things being relative) spider crawling out the arm of my robe and onto my arm. I quickly flung the robe to the ground, where it remains now. I told Daniel to burn it when he gets home. ***************************************************************************************I can only imagine what they have planned for tomorrow's surprise... So here's my public plea: Bugs, you can have the outdoors if you give me back my house. Heck, if you'll just stay out of the rooms I use on a regular basis, you can have the guest room and the outdoors. (Sorry Mom, you might have company on your next visit.)

The Greatest Friends Ever

I have to say thanks to all my wonderful friends and tell you that you certainly were a big part of what allowed Daniel and I to finish the marathon a few weeks ago. (We probably owe you some of the champagne in the picture, but we seem to have finished it all...) *********************************************************************************** During the run, we both carried the 26 slips of paper that you all filled out and sent in. The combination of the words you wrote were at once encouraging, hilarious, biblical, motivational, and lewd. I think those adjectives aptly sum up my menagerie of friends and that makes me very grateful. ********************************************************************************** At one point around mile 16, I realized that the baggie containing my slips had broken and was only half full. I turned around and realized that they were strewn over the last 1/4 mile. To let you know how important they were, I walked that 1/4 mile back...in the rain...uphill...and bent over to retrieve those little slips of paper. Essentially, those slips were my lifeline in the last ten miles and you are great friends for participating with me by sending your words, or in the case of one friend, the wise words of Britney Spears. Thanks, you are exactly the friends I hoped for!

I Ran a Marathon

Well, I am a marathoner. (I think you can say that after only running one, right?) On Sunday, I finished my first marathon alongside the beautiful pacific ocean in Kauai. I finished in 6:07:05.5. It was a slower time than I anticipated, but the course was widely agreed to be brutally hilly and while it was awesome to have cloud cover, the clouds brought ridiculous amounts of rain. My shorts, shoes, etc were drenched from mile 4 on. It was a great experience and I was lucky enough to run most of it pain-free or at least pain-lite. Daniel also finished in 5:25:47.8. Want to hear the nuttiest part? We are already talking about doing a 2nd marathon at the Rock n Roll in Phoenix in January. Looks like we've caught the fever!

Panic at the Disco (or The Final Countdown)

Holy crap. I have to run a marathon on Sunday. I suppose I knew, somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, that when I started "training for a marathon," that it would eventually involve running a marathon. Only now, it's here. Like really here. We are in Phoenix tonight and fly to Kauai tomorrow. Then, on Sunday at 6am Kauai time, we will begin running. For me, the running (assuming I don't quit at mile eight) will continue for the better part of a work day. I can only be thankful that there is a seven hour cutoff. I will either be done, or nicely escorted back by men driving a van at 1pm. Either way, plenty of time for a tropical drink and random pain-prompted moaning from a beach chair afterwards. ************************************************************************************* I suppose that the reality is that I am beyond nervous. I don't feel like I trained enough or that my body has responded well in the last few weeks. I have new pains, lots of shoe drama and a real concern that I will look like an ass if I can't finish the run. I am totally trapped in the mental game of the marathon now and trying not to admit defeat before I even see the start line. Here's my truth... I will run slowly. I will end up walking nearly half the marathon. I will cry at some point. I will finish. ***********************************************************************************